Wow, I finally understand...

I feel just like Drake...

I finally get it, haha. I finally understand the mass confusion and frustration he dealt with.

Pleased to meet you,

I really enjoy the whole thought that people stumble upon what I write, and are entertained for a few minutes :) It's funny how I can warp something as simple as to putting butter on toast, and making it epic, because I hate writing in such a boring manner. I enjoy making people think, and I'm not to bad at it either.

Well, I received a rather exciting phone call from my madre, turns out I maxed my credit card... hahaha, yah... I can't exactly lie, or go around the fact she was looking dead at my bank statement. I'm very tempted to put that credit card in a envelope and send it back to fayetteville so I'm not tempted by it's "I'm plastic cash that you can swipe till $700." I really would use it on outrageous things, psh, like I normally do.

That was a few hours ago, at this moment I'm actualy writing my argumentative (I'm tackling the unfairness of the SAT), and my profile (paper about seeing Copeland live) papers for English 101 easily. It's honestly about time I've gotten in a mood to write. I was on a hiatus or almost a writing strike, UNWILLINGLY for the past two weeks. I hate when I can't write. It's a weird feeling that I can't write whenever I want, but when I feel it, and know the wheels are turning, I spit ideas after ideas onto any surface.

Anyway, today is Jon and I's two weeks, I know that's nothing for most but, I'm proud of myself for still being with him, and still head over hills in love with him. He's coming here this weekend, a very pleasant surprise, and he's helping me paint my room :D

Off subject, I stole my brothers xbox from fayetteville... and I can't even get xbox like to work in this damn apartment... all that and I don't even enjoy killing people on xbox live, what a shame.

If you map out your future, make sure to highlight the path you plan to take.

I have a meeting with my advisor that conflicts with my doctors appointment at Chapel Hill tomorrow... great. I'm canceling my doctors appointment, because whether it's right or not... I kind of feel my education out weighs my doctors "check up appointment." I guess I'm healthy, other than the fact my eating schedule is tore up, and I started taking my medicine again because my parents begged me, I'm curious to see how my blood work would of looked...

Today, I did a lot of day dreaming... It actually progress worst as the day continued. This morning I got up early for my English class at 8 am. and had no problem doing my research paper, now I'm skipping between myspace, facebook, this and word. I guess my thoughts are a little scattered. A little shocked still that Jon actually loves me and told me he loved me last night, and more so shocked that I feel the exact same way. I guess, I never thought someone would "love" me, I never gave anyone the opportunity to do so. I'm still getting use to telling him over the phone, how I'll do it in person, I have no idea. None the least, I can't wait to see him and everyone else Friday when I head back to Fayettenam.

I'm a little short on money this month, it has me a little worried... but I think I'll be fine, I have 8 more days of work, plus the extra 5 days I volunteered to work before the rent is due. I've been a little sloppy with spending money... I'm stressing myself out to be quite honestly... -sigh-

Life is so boring in Charlotte... I love it... well I love the city, and school and even though I'm always finding something new to keep me entertained; I still feel trapped. I work Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday... and school Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. It's a very boring routine; oddly enough my only day off basically is Wednesday. I really wish I could see Jon more than just the weekends... but it gives me something to look forward to as the week comes to a close. I was extremely happy when he came up here last weekend, it was wonderful to finally have company and soak in someone's presence.

Well, It's cold and winter is rearing it's icy hands around the corner. I'm done writing... not really, I actually have to write this argumentative paper on the unfairness of the SAT... I'm about to make some hot cocoa, and hope it give my brain a boost.

Good night.

I've never had so much trouble saying this.

but, I love you Jon.

I find it rather a relief

that I have written less, and less. I've taken a step back and counted the many sheets of blue and black ink that I've produced to relieve the emotional stress I have, slowly disappear. The notebook with the many collections of my disoriented mind as begun to collect dust; and I'm so glad to I've given that notebook a rest.

I don't understand how exactly I got to the point where I was so unhappy and so terrible at words that I had to rely on text to release the secrets and fears deep in me to sleep at night. I've calmed down a lot since I've met Jon. I had/have a lot of unsettled feelings living in my heart and as quickly as they came, they are beginning to fade.

I've been sleeping like a kid with no troubles, I've been happy like a child feasting on ice cream, free as a girl picking daisies in a field of flowers. I'm feeling the shackles that I placed on myself, unlock; and I don't plan on ever locking them again.

I'm going through a healing process... and I think... no, I know, I'm going to make a full recovery.

Little by Little,

I'm becoming something so much better. Jon & I date, and I can't explain the happiness that runs through my body. I haven't gotten butterflies, or liked someone like this in such a long time, it's very refreshing... I really missed this feeling.

For a year I was caught up over someone who couldn't open up to me, I had no intentions of trying to find someone, but Jon had something that grabbed my entire attention immediately. He's so different from anyone I've ever met, and I'm so glad that I was strong enough to get my shit together and be with him. I caught myself staring in his eyes monday night. I have a little problem with looking people in the eyes, but I couldn't help but lay there and look at him. I sound crazy, but I've never been this happy in seriously a year... a year.

I've been sitting in Charlotte since Tuesday afternoon, and this is a very cruel joke, but the days are going as slow as possible; like they know that my boyfriend is coming to stay with me Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. It's killing me, I haven't seen Jon since Monday and I'm loosing it. haha

I don't think that anything can go wrong at this point, it's just perfect. I wished I would of met him sooner, but I wont let distance pose a problem, I like you way to much to let 137 miles keep us apart.

Thank you so much, I feel rejuvenated & whole once more. I've gotten the best sleep in my life the past week... all because of you. I'm surprised so much good has come from us liking each other... it must be something special.

god, you're amazing.